I am really furious today.
I had a fight with my 17 years old son. We exchange words between our arguments with resentment. What made me angrier?
Son: I don’t like your family (referring to my Father & Mother). You might think I like to stay here, but not.
Me: Someday you can move, just wait for the right time (I was talking about after finishing school. I am dead serious, he can leave)
Son: It’s not my fault that I am your son. It is your responsibility so why are you complaining about me? What kind of mother are you?
I almost lost my patience. No, It’s just vanished.
Me: Go, find someone, and replace me!
Son: If only I could.
Oh, I hate him instantly. And I think there’s nothing wrong with what I am feeling right now. How could I not? but at the same time, I feel terrible. What I have done wrong? Why I am trying so hard to be a good mom when he can’t even appreciate it? Why I gave him the freedom to talk back at me?
I know the fact that he is striving to find freedom. Freedom to control his life. He wants to be freed from my parent’s do’s and Don’ts. He doesn’t want me to disapprove of his plans. He wants to leave the house and come back anytime he wanted. He’s dying to drive the motorcycle despite he almost killed someone from the accident (we are still paying for the guy). He spent his allowance comfortably without thinking it was a hard-earned from his parent’s sweat. He laughed a lot outside with buddies, but when at home he’s always irritated. Where is my sweet boy then? he just disappeared.
I am not complaining of my duty, but sometimes I feel like it is super unfair as a parent. I hated my old folks before when I was young, but not like this-straightforward, right to the face. I don’t demand perfection to my son, I just want him to be responsible, be respectful and decent. I know the teenage years are difficult because they’re growing up, but what about us, parents, don’t they realize we are getting old? I don’t think they do because they believe we are always at their back.
I’m still mad at him. I just keep on looking at his baby pics to ease off my raging blood. Oh god, I miss my little boy, the sweet, the innocent little boy.