Think Like You Still Want to Live

When one of my colleagues said “she’s feed up of her expenses”, I can totally relate with her. Almost everyone is struggling here. Sometimes you’re so out of motivation but thinking of your financial obligations makes you slog with no choice. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale because if you don’t do that, you’ll be dead.

I was thinking maybe for the next month, I could ask my friends for some getaways to relax or perhaps we could eat the most expensive food in town. But I was dismay to know that I have to hold back my breakout plan for the more important things to attend or to be exact, to pay. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, what the hell?

I hate the feeling of why’s and until when I couldn’t care about this commitment. When can I buy something without checking the price first? Eat delicious food without feeling sorry? Or just spend lavishly without worrying about what might happen the next day? When? Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale because this is free of charge.

It’s okay, it’s okay (tapping on my shoulder), you are not alone (embracing myself) while watching my colleague staring into space for long minutes. We are just tired. It’s okay to complain, it’s okay to space out, it’s okay to admit we are frustrated, it’s okay not to pretend for a second that we fuck this life. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale if you still want to live.

To move on, I just let my friend cut my long hair very, very short. It feels like beating a passenger in a moving bus and run away after, but the funny thing is, it’s my precious hair and now it looks like a wig. Smile.

 

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